i need to get theNote together.  that's going to be a job.  a job i shouldnt do without a clear head.  should do with a clear head.  i'm using the web as my means of communication at another time.  whether it be minutes away, or hours away.  or days away, however i like to try to one post a day.  sorta like, here's what's on my mind. isn't that what a blog is all about?

theNote is going to express my views on what should be done once my death has been seen by the authorities.  i'm sure the police are going to get called.  they'll have to control the scene.  i hope not.  they should be very satisfied with what i'm doing to cover my tracks.  there's nothing really that is so private that i wouldn't open it in view by someone   but theNote is going to be a piece that has taken 2 weeks to come up with.  posting here helps with that too.  but knowing what i've said where, i don't know.  i suppose i could get by with the status quo.  if it's not broken, why fix it?  and nothing is broken.  so there's no need of a fixer.   thank you.

i think the subject is much less talked openly and frankly - it will forever leave questions, if ya wanna know why.

i use word to do special documents.  legal documents i like to use Word for almost anything.  i'm not constrained.  insofar as limitations of certain programs are never a problem.  Word works and is overly bloated, but shit, you can do anything in it.  guess that's why users prefer it against anything else you put up there.  but Word to me is almost second nature.  wordperfect is another text editor thats got bells and whistles.  i know them both but prefer Word.  i know wp was more detailed in it's formatting and control.  the codes were part of the presentation.  geeks all had wp.  i was never a geek, as much as i wish i could have enjoyed it, going geek has had their claws on my back, but i never succeed in being a geek.

the editor here on blogger is pretty good.  it does all the simple formatting for ya. plus it'll save it out as a html document.  i use it to do posts, rather than doing posts in another program then adding them to the gui.  i think there's a mailing address you can use that'll post your rants and things.  photos.  however i dont see how it can transfer photos, but it does.  like the ceo of sprint said, these phones are worth a lot more than just calls from mother. then it goes  on to say all the things the phone was capable of doing things that before required computers.  now we got devices that are basically a small system, on your wrist.  thos will be a long time away.  but really, i see communication between humans evolving to video phone instead of cell phone.

i should do a post on the intinerary of events leading up to laying down on the bed.  this is why alcohol isn't being used.  i wanna remember, for what i don't know, but i think death is only when the body is dead.  soul death is a totally different thing.  but a death is a dead body.  but all the things that are done leading up to the event should be noted somewhere.  theNote is explaining why.  theDeclaration is something that can be used to put the imporant announcements on paper.  like money.  on the declaration.  like household items.  on the declaration.  the will is probabaly a part of the Declaration.  the will is done and printed.  i'll leave the Declaration on the laptop.  i'll leave irc running, and a post that is in the buffer.  drafts.  i dont have drafts.

i'll need to make sure the litter in diva's box is clean and full.  i jus put more litter into the box/container.  she's got plenty of food, but i'll make sure she's got a full dish of food.  the only thing that i can see diva doing is laying next to me.  i hope she sleeps with me that night.  i expect the discovery of my body to be done by my nurse.  yes, i have a nurse. ya have to these days.  no really, i'm not a young chicken any more, and AIDS has taken it's toll. but i expect my nurse to discover the body.  knowing that she's probably got experience finding dead bodies, i'm sure mercy home care has a policy regarding dead bodies.  i would like to know, but if i call it';ll only raise red flags and i'll have to deal with their 'intervention'.

i'll fall asleep in the clothes i'm going to wear on my dying day.  no suit.  maybe army.  i dunno.  i'll figure that out as we get closer to the day.  but army requires a white shirt, and they're not exactly comfortable as bedwear.  but we'll see.  i know i need to be fine as if it's a normal jnight.  i think i'll post after taking the pills, but on my way to the bedroom, is the computer.  so a post right before i retire would make good copy, no?  probably not ready for David talk.

i'll bet i'll have a hard time getting to sleep that night.  i'll have everything running across my mind.  worrying about whether or not i didn't catch something, and what if this happens, do i really wanna leave it for the whole world to see?  i should do a round of pics before i go.  get some of the house, and some self portrait.  tossing and turning, making that night horrible for getting to sleep.  ya think one of those sleeping pills could make it's way into the system and put me out before the rest of it gets digested.  it should act by putting me down first, right?  i mean, i dont wanna be holding my throat and unable to breathe.  

no, i need advice from the medical community and i'm not getting it.  for all it's said and done, that healthline is scripted to refer callers to this access center whatever that is.  i'm not even sure what the access center is all about.  anyway, kristie will do what has to be done, i'm sure of that.  i jus hope she calls linda and gets a hold of her.  linda is my friend who's the executor of my will.  

that's about it for now.  later.z

the stand

have you ever seen the movie, the stand?  by stephen king?  well, be prepared to think in terms of black and white.  still a good movie if you like dark thrillers.  this is a story told in 8 hours.  i'm sure the net is full of video clips if not the whole movie somewhere.  maybe on usenet you can pick it up. anyway, i am searching around for an idea of a post.  couldn't come up with anything i have around the house.  and going out isn't really on my agenda.  it's 39 degrees out, so it's still mild in terms of winter weather.  it's not winter yet, but it's still chilly to the bone.  anyway, i'll post about things i'll miss after i die.  a dave letterman style list, the top ten list.

#10 - i'll miss my music.  

#9 - i'll miss the routine.

#8 - i'll miss doctor johnson's visits.

#7 - i'll miss kristie's visits.

#6 - i'll miss shelley's visits.

#5 - i'll miss my family, what's left of it.

#4 - i'll miss stargate and star trek.

#3 - i'll miss television.

#2 - i'll miss my computer.

#1 - i'll miss myself.  if that isn't vain, i don't know what is.

there i got a whole list of 10 things that i'll miss after the event.  i thought i'd have 10 things, and sure enough got 10.  and it wuzn't that hard.  now i wonder if i could come up with 10 things suicide is good for.  i don't think i can.  this is a pretty lopsided argument.  

why do it at all, then?  because it's my time.  i feel compelled almost drawn into this cyclone of life and death.  my hunger for satisfaction about the after life is making me do it.  i can't help reverting back to the time i had my vision.  which laid out my death is no uncertain terms.  i was going to hang. so i don't know how i'm able to reconcile that one.  maybe i haven't thought about it much lately. this gives me pause to think about what i'm thinking about.  be my own psychologist.

really, why do it at all then.  i say because it's my time as if i absolutely without doubt believe that my time is up when i say it is.  actually, we're all dying anyway, some of us on a faster track than others.  but death isn't something that can be shared.  in fact, death is the final guarantee by the Almighty that would happen to me.  like the old saying, life, death and taxes.  things that must happen.

now, getting back to life is like a river.  how would a careful and astute person be able to die.  natural causes is a catchall for things that can't be defined.  and i'll bet there are causes of death that don't make sense.  i wonder if anybody's doing any research into the matter.  but if life is like a river, then i have the ability to navigate, stop, and get off the water and on to dry land.  death is when you get back in the water.  water is the essence of life that can be touched and quantified.   heaven is earth.  the sky is heaven,  heaven can be like land, and getting out of the water is like dying.  

i wonder how many other people believe in what i believe in.  are there more people out there like me?  i would be surprised if there were.  but defining God and soul and heaven and hell, well, i have definitions that work for me.  i've looked at catholicism, protestantism, buddist, islam, and took a little bit of each and made it into what i call Q.  the good of the top religions makes for a really hip dude.  especially if he lives his religion.  christians are known for their interpretations of the ideals of religion in fanatical ways.  and islamist factions are also known for their interpretations of the ideal of religion in fanatical ways. i wonder if the jewish state can the same be said about their groups.  one's never heard of a jewish terrorist, unless one can read arabic.

i would hate to get caught up in religion here, so i'll steer the topic up a bit and see what happens.  things that i'll miss when i die.  i probably won't "miss" anything since i'll be dead and gone, with nothing to feel about anything. i don't think i'll "miss" anything per se.  i'll miss not having and doing those things.  but not for long i'm sure.  i think right at the point of death is when you actually see yourself rising up and floating around, not bound by wall, then how would i walk oir stand.  if i'm not bound by wall then i'm not confined to any particular room when i'm standing. but you know what i mean.  i'll float around for a few minutes then i expect there will be 'the light' and poof, death happened.  now i exist in a purgatory stage. readying myself for another chance at life.  depending on where i am spiritually, will determine what life i'll have for myself.  i think you'll get the chance to pick what life you would want.  or is there a judge that survey's your previous life and determines what life i would get next time.  how many times we have to repeat life is the billion dollar question.

but i expect i'll stay around the house for a while.  time is gone at that point, so i believe how long i say there is only a blink in time for those that are still alives on earth.  but there will be things i will want to see after i die.  like what people would say on #mindvox and #interport on mIRC.  i'd be curious to know whether they were true friends or not. frankly, i trust my excutor so whatever happens to diva and my things will happen and there's nothing i'll be able to do about it.  i cant see myself too worried about it.  i've planned on doing this while holding my head up.  i haven't decided yet on whether or not pot is going to play a role in this chapter.  i expect it will, but not as strong as i figure here.

more later.z.

the day after

i'll bet 70% of the country had their fill of food today.  i know i had my opportunity last night to enjoy a table full of food items.  like salad, and side dishes of vegetable or soup.  there was enough turkey to give everybody a second helping.  it was good.  i didn't pig out by any means, and ate very conservative.  i was filled up after having pie.  got home early.  not early in the morning, early in the evening.  i think around 19:00 ... but i would have to check my diary.  today's not been a hungover day, that's for sure.  i think in the past. it would have been.  not that i feel great to begin with,

i wanna get my friend a computer.  her old system is an old one and i thought i'd give her a christmas present now.  could get a wireless router and prime them to have 2 laptops join in soon. although there will be no indication of their awareness of my plan.  i don't wanna release too much, for fear of getting locked up.  god i hate getting locked up.  not that i have had anything since my  last owi in 2001.  that's another post.  but back to my original idea of getting my friend a computer.  she can come and pick it out.  i'll tell her sometime over the weekend.  we'll stop at best buy and see what they've got on the shelves.  i think most of them come with a lcd screen now.  no more bulky monitors.  and her space is tight back there.  she should just get a bigger lcd. i'm sure we can get her hooked up for less than what i have in the tinbox.  i forgot how much i had in the envelope.  shit.35?  or 40? something like that.  anyway, i'll put up the tin box for her family's gift.  i think they'll use it now.

my family is so dysfunctional, i admit a brother/sister relationship.  but that's it.  i have 3 sisters that do not talk to me, so why shouldn't i accept it and move on?  i should.  and i normally do.  i don't think of them much, more lately tho, which is why i'm posting this.  i think my sisters are net savvy, and with a little work, i could probably track down anything i wanted to know about them.  i don't because they're not worth the effort

happy thanksgiving to you all.  hope you don't over eat too much.  i know today's a day of food and family.  the food is about as good as the family.  actually i celebrated thanksgiving last nite with some pretty decent friends. i seem to be accepted by most of those folks.  it kinda suprises me that i can get along with some people.  of course, i don't anticipate their patronage, so there's never a call out on the issue.  they're definitely unique especially after dealing with big city folk.  i think the people that i'm referring to would appreciate my keeping their identities private.

"see you have people who care for you." is ringing in my ear. well, duh, i never thought otherwise. again, my purpose in this whole venture is hopefully stir up the pot some, and get some discussion going on the subject of suicide.  people tend to lump suicide with something that must mean i'm depressed.  and i'm not.  sure there's a lot in my life that i don't particularly jump for joy at the drop of a hat over.  but i wouldn't classify any of them, and combined as well, as to be suffering from depression simply because i'm suicidal.  so, i'm holding my head up going into this.

well, i'm going to trust that you've had your fill for the day.  enjoy it. 

happy thanksgiving.

i just wanted to stop by quick and say happy thanksgiving to you all.  you'll probably be happy to know that i'm still around to share these holiday times.  that's fine.  i just look at things in a whole different way.  but strangely enough i don't look at things with the finite outlook i could, or should, have.  i'm not doing anything that i wouldn't have done otherwise.  given the comfortableness of the event as a whole, one would be prudent to take a look at all of the feelings that are surrounding me. enveloping me.  making me whole in one thing.  i used to be like that.  but any more i just go with the flow.  i don't chart territory any more.  this is like seeing the aura from everything living.  

this thanksgiving will serve as a means by which i can have my last goodbyes.  they won't know it, and it'll be fun seeing them as they are.  the only problem i see happening is if someone were to email me with concerns, i'd have to remain anonymous, leQ, or quasar.  there's a funny story that goes along with how i picked out leQ.  i'll be able to say good bye without them knowing it because i want to remember them for what they are, not what they'll do when they discover something, and by not being forceful in nature, i can ride along whatever trails are being examined.  if i left them alone and let them make all the decisions, there's a sense of empowerment.  

by all accounts, i would be able to view humans in all their pleasure and self-sustaining attitudes.  i don't dare let them in on the secret.  i don't wanna go to mercy, and am not expecting to until next tuesday.  i see my doctor one more time.  he's not going to know the truth either, as much as i would like to discuss this in greater detail.  but they'll get all bent and broken about things and call the sherriff. i certainly can't let that happen now can i.  at least i'll be eating good.  yup, the holidays are upon us.  get your wallet out and start watching the money fly away.  this will be the most expensive christmas i have done in a long time.  i'd like to get my friend a new computer.  we'll have to leave the rest of the clues hidden.  

one more week.  i suppose i could make the most of it.  but what would i do having dozens of friends, i have dozens of friends, just not the kind you pinch at the next party.  since this is the week of thanksgiving, and most of my memorable moments have just by luck happened on thanksgiving.  but i gotta run now.  my ride is here.

so, what's it like to know your life will end in a week's time?  what questions would you have?  knowing how and when support the theory of reincarnation and death as part of that process.  reincarnation folks probably have a whole set of rules and regulations, none of which i know personally, i dunno.  when i use the word i mean reincarnation as in you keep the same soul through more than one life form.

that death is only an event on a chain of events that compose as life.  i only hope that death is an event that really only lasts a second or two.  death is a real thing.  the realist of real.  it's the permanence of it all that i quiver about.  i wouldn't like to have pain when i die.  to have pain as your last emotion, well, that would be sad.

i dunno about the timing yet.  how i'm going to have everything ready to go, i'll have to make a check off list.  there's a lot that's going to have to be done.  i'm going to assume a 48 hour discovery.  48 hours into the death.  that should be more than enough time for the ambien to do it's job.  i'm assuming i'm gonna be knocked out and i'll simply pass out. now whether or not i awake, well, that's a diffedrent story.  best left to another post.

i see a week of activity where i see myself participating in some thanksgiving festivities at a friend's house.  she's got a large family, so there will be many people around most of the time.    there's a nikkie over there ... i don't remember her last name, but she's a GF to someone over there.  i think.  i really don't know her.  she must get online and saw this blog.  i hope i'm spelling her name right, forgive me if i'm not.  

i will say however, that i think of death as something that is rather inviting.  it's calling out to me to join in.  join in what, i have no idea.  but i feel the urge to do what i'm doing.  getting people to discuss the issue of suicide in an open and frank way is one of my tasks.  a discussion that is no bull.  

but i will let you know when i know.  defining the timeline is something that i'd like to get done this next week.  i'll have it all mapped out, if you will.  the journey of a lifetime.   a timeline at this time would need to be changed daily, i'm keeping close tabs on it with the diary.  i just passed the 1000 page the other day.  ya,. a thousand, or more.  i think i'm on page 1007.  doule aught seven.  isn't there a james bond movie iopening up this season?  seems to me an ad for it played on my television (scifi channel 24/6) recently for a december opening. but i'll know when the time is right and i'll have a good 8 hour notice to basically get the finishing touches on some things, and generally be in good shape to die.  diva, my cat will no doubt need comfort.  i just hope my friend pete's got it in him to let diva be diva.  she'll treat you right by not being a pest.  i talk to my petes.  i'm sure she'll get used to your voice and associate you with something nice.

this is not my last post.  i plan on posting on a number of subjects, and tie it all together with my death.  i may be dead, but i'm not forgotten.  i've got farpoint up on krak.net and north iowa bowowleague.net will be on krak & cheap-bastards.  i don't have anything left on butt.0x.net.  but krak is fast and he'll be around for the foreseeable future.  i got some years on farpoint.  2017 is when it'll be due again.  12/18/2017 i think.  unless i give it another 5 years.  that's almost 10 years.  heh, i've been in mason city for 10 years now. jus celebrated my anniversary the other day.  on the 11th actually.

but we've got some time ahead, you and me.  we'll be covering different subjects and you'll always get my view, whether you respect that is the million dollar question.  i'm brash at times, and at times i get riled up.  i make no excuse.  i call it like i see it.  and i see at least another week.  we got time here.  i can make a period of 3-4 days seem like 9-10 days.  and i can probably cover 3-4 days with my current riled-upness.  iow, in a decent mood.

labels for this post.  jee, does it save with the post as what?  insertlabel15?  i see you can change the date.  that's not to say it's got automatic posting for those that are ready to publish.  i can have several drafts, but to make one out of it, it's a bit confusing the way it's setup now.

some stats

Twenty-two percent (29/131) of a group of AIDS patients died by physician-assisted suicide (PAS) or euthanasia, compared to about two percent of all deaths. Based on an examination of each case, "[There was not] any substantial shortening of life by euthanasia/PAS...most of these patients would have died naturally within one month."

http://www.a1b2c3.com/suilodge/faceut1.htm

one month??  that seems like a select group of individuals.  people who have aids are no different in their outlook on life than normal people.  for all in tense and purpose, people with aids tend to be more enlightened about pain and suffering, be it physical or emotionall than normal people, and when i say normal, i mean the median score on the curve.  that data also showed an astounding statistic.  22% of aids patients commited suicide, assisted.  that's a high number imho.  i belong in that 22%. i wonder how many patients of cancer, aids, or anything physically depleting would commit suicide and discuss the subject openly and vividly.  would they believe that there's a God out there, and He will be the judge of your life?  

regardless of your belief in the hereinafter, you can understand the whole thing as a personal matter.  that because it's a personal matter, it belongs on the list of things to contemplate.  the pros and cons of a suicide wish list. that they and other non-interested parties who become involved in this matter, they too much agree that suicide is a personal matter best left up to you and your maker.  whether they would support an assisted suicide is still a long way off.  even the mere discussion of the matter is brought up and made known to the professional medical staff, things start to take on the tone of a person fighting for his rights.  and losing.

it should be known that this site believes in assisted suicide.  euthanasia is still a concept that requires a lot of knowledge and understanding.  that involves other people. i'm only interested in things that involve moi.  self-centered yes, but that's what a blog is.  fields of poopy has had a long run, as a political junkie at first, then mellowed out with the suicide tracking.    i'm hoping that someone learn something they didn't know before they read my rants.  and boy can the kid talk on and on and on and on.  really.  i get tired of it in the 3rd paragraph.  but i tough it out and read on.  NOT!  hah, no really, not.

suicide is a fleeting thought today.  i have to reach out and grab it to get into the mode.  for some reason it's avoiding me.  i'll get interested in something else.  ya, right.  suicide overwrites all previous ways of living.  we live to enjoy life to its fullest.  we die when the time is right, and only God knows that for sure.  i don't believe that God is controlling me and my thoughts, but He's certainly privvy to the inner most thoughts, and whether they're suicideal or not, should be treated with dignity and respect.  

i long for a day when humans get rid of money and all things capitalistic.  not really for the soviet style oppression, but getting rid of money would go a long long way to being an enlightened civilization.  we need aliens to come make themselves known.  we need a stargate to happen.  imagine that.  oh well.  it was a thought worthy of a script.  money is evil in it's purest form.  having it and not having it, brings on a slew of problems.  ya cant live without it, ya cant live with it.  actually, money means very little to me any more.  i spoze if i was starving and had no money, i would be singing a different tune.   but money hardly means what it used to mean.  i don't spend on things i like i used to.

so, what's a kid like you doing in a place like this, huh.  a rhetorical question if ever there was any.  but a kid like you don't belong in here.  actually, all my life i've heard that from ppl.  not just my friends, but my acquaintances too.  that i was really from another place, another time, and just never felt comfortable around a crowd of people.  even when i was a dj, i wouldn't ever shine the lights in the booth so the people can see their dj.  i would rather not, be seen.  anyway, i really liked being a dj.  i played in clubs in miami, key west, orlando?  i think one in orlando i went to it.  but i dunno.  it's like st. louis.  don't remember coming into town, only that i woke up one afternoon and being told that i got in the nighbefore and dj'd at a club in town, then came back to the baths.  and going to sleep right aweay.  so when i woke, i had some explaining to do.  to somebody.  maybe not.  i never had a love in pittsburgh.  anyway, commercial's over.

i should read what i've posted.  i might learn something.  see, automatic writing is jus4t that.  automatic.  having no forethought to it's creation.  like you, i would be reading it for the first time.  i think i have forethought, once in a while.  i'd rather that it happens because it happens.  i believe that with my soul on the table, i like to play to win.  i'm not a very good loser.  privately, i'm a winner all the time.  or most of the time.  i don't know anybody who could lose 24/7 and be fine with it.  losing to me is like the loss of either some dignity, or the more hurtful, soul.

i keep asking myself why am i not out doing whatever the hell i wanted to do.  just because i donit plan on being around to answer for my actions.  but i don't.  not in the least.  i pretty much do what i want to do any way.  i have very little restraint in place.  had this been 3 years ago, i would be considered a success of a storybook relationship i had with myself.  this is like getting awfully close to being personal. 

suicide is a personal subject.  it really only affects the one who is doing the deed.  other people around him/her take suicide as a bad thing.  i hold that death is a positive notion, but dying is where the pain is.  look at cancer patients, the terminal ones.  i wonder what they're outlook on life is.  where would you even look for that kind of information.  google?  what terms should i search for? suicide terminal disease ?

well, i started reading one of those links and got to this place.  i couldn't read it all. my eyes are one of those things you lose as you gain in age.  vision isn't what it used to be.  another reason i don't try reading what i'm typing.  but death in the eyes of some of these people is a convincing subject matter.  death and dying are two related things.  dying conures up this mystical being released from the body.  death is when dying is complete.  that's the relationship between the two.  

in god we trust

tonite i'd like to talk about trust.  trust is everywhere.  in people.  in things.  in just about everything, there's a certain level of trust between you and that person, or with that thing (i trust the car will get me to work in the morning).  trust that can easily be dismissed with a bad act.  trust can be easily quantified.  trust is one of the building blocks of humanity.   animals even have trust in their lives.  so it's a life thing, rather than a human thing.  not rather than, in addition to it being. a human thing.  sounds dirty duzn't it.

trust earned the hard way can be one way of gaining trust.  you spend trust just the same.  let's say you gain someone's trust, and he decides to back your new venture with a million bucks.  that's a million dollar trust.  in business they write it all down on paper.  all the same thing, i trust you, and you trust me.  and with a million dollars at stake, i would think that tust would be worth gold.  i also must be trust worthy.  worthy of said trust.  a million dollars can buy you a lot of trust.

how does this play out on the suicidee's house? diversion can be good for the soul.  talking about trust and knowing that others' trust in me could be in jeopardy over this suicide deal. i have to think about this some more.  i wish i didn't have to be so concerned about our trust.  i can see why suicide would upset that balance with these people.  it would be nice if we could all trust each other and voila, we have a perfect world.  but this is a mad world.  like the song says, something to the effect of the dreams are the best i've ever had.  the whole song is great.  but back to the subject du jour.  trust.

trust is a two-way deal.  it can't be just one side trusting the other.  that's lop sided.  i trust very few people, and nobody with the keys to the house.  on 911 knows (it's in the 2nd line for the address).  nobody has my trust without question.  and very few have even an ounce of my deep trust.   the only trust that i give to people is with money.  it's easier to quantify too.  but money is the main reason for someone to trust me.  i've handled large amounts in my time.  money doesn't scare me.  i trust money.  trust it'll get me what i have to have, and enough left over for some of those desireables.  

ya, money and i go way back.  :)  really, i used to have so much money i could do anything i wanted to.  but times have changed.  people have changed.  and yet money remains the leader in the trust department.  money buys trust.  however, that's not to say trust isn't free.  well, nothing's free doll, but that's another story.  but everyone pays for the trust in some way.  money, or favor.  all the same to me.  but it seems the more money you have, you're afforded that much extra trust.  uh huh.

trust with love is another kind of trust.  one that i didn't have, nor ever had, that trust in love.  shame too because i sure loved the hell out of a few boys.  but there was only the like-me trust in any of my relationship i've had in the past.  i was in love, he wasn't.  it was the same for all 4 of 'em.  they weren't ready to have that level of trust in me, and i didn't blame them for it.  i knew i was on the shortcoming set and kept to myself most of my life.  not a real socialite if ya know what i mean.

i trust that i'm going to die when i say it's time.  and that it won't drag out for days on end.  i also trust that linda is going to do what i proscribed in theNote.  theNote started to get out of control, so i whittled it down to 2 pages, and a list separately spells out what i need done.  thinking about this has me wondering now, i have things that probably should go into the will.  ever worked on one of those things?  it's like i have to make sure they don't have questions that can be answered in a letter.  i gotta get someone to do about 16 things.  from calling people, to calling utilities/etc. and discontinue service.  this whole paragraph is getting to sound like it should be in a post by itself.

but my trust is in certain people and they've earned thjeir trust by being trust worthy first, and civil/professional second.  i don't trust a lot in any pareticular religion.  what i believe would fill a page or two, so i won't get into the details here.  but suffice it to say i believe in reincanation, and to some extent that whole trip of being out of body, having a conscious experience and having the ability to give life to a new body, and someone is keeping score.  there, that about sums up my belief system, and i'll be glad to discuss them in another forum.

but trust is something that should be taken with a grain of salt.  in god we trust.  i wonder how many people actually trust god, having never met the man.