and it's humpday today

i've been sitting back and wondering what to post next, and nothing came to my head.  even now, nothing's in my head to get off with a post to poopy.  so i'll just blatter on.  betcha had to look that up. i did.  and there's such a word, and it even belongs in the sentence.  interesting.  some would contend that to be a sign of sorts.  what that would be is beyond me.  everything's a sign if ya think about it.  i don't believe that i have the power to change the future.  i might think i'm treading away at something that would be good for me down the road.  but really, because it happen, it was supposed to happen.

but really, i don't know what i wanna post on that hasn't been covererd in some manner in these writings.  as wild and ill-built they are, it seems to hit a nerve in most everybody.  and that's a good thing in my head.  i like things that poke me.  i'm not all that enthused about feeling *shiver*.  that takes a lot of doing.  but suffice it to say, these writings are nothing but bullshit.  about bullshit.

really. 

i'm finding another cause for concern.  the ritual before the deed?  during the deed?  shouldn't i do something like say a prayer or anything?  like really.  i mean, there's probably a right way of doing this, and i'm not one of 'em.  i dont know how many other suicides are up on the web with a candor you'll find in these writings.   musings as a friend of mine would say.

but something's been on my mind today.  and that's the things that i'll do to get into the mood, so to speak.  cuz i dont think i've got it in me to go through the steps of taking the pills then doing what?  continue to do what i normally would.  so in essence i'll be on irc on my dying bed.  i'll sit up until i cant sit any more. this would best be carried out right before going to bed.  i would naturally wanna fall asleep.  i doubt there'd be more than an hour that i would have to fill the time with.  get all the documents up on the computer screens.

i'm hoping that whoever discovers the body will read the notes i'm leaving on the desk and in the bedroom.  actually, i can skip the bedroom.  there'll be no need for them to do anything in there.  i'll have to disclose where i put the money.  tinbox on the dresser would be a good spot.  i've got about 5400.  4750 in one envelope, and about 700 in the other envelope.  that's about 6 grand.  plus lthe money in teh nbank.  another grand.  so that's about 7 grand.  i need to get tim lapointe paid off and have some casheir's checks i want mailed.  i'll give each voidmstr, krak and netrunnr $500 to enjoy in my absense a drink in a voxmeet.  and krak will be getting his because he's hosting farpoint.org for the next 6 years.  so i'll remain in cyberspace while my body floats the mississippi. well, winnebago, THEN the mississippi.

anyway, i'll get a plan together before long, and will indicate it in another post.