poor bastards

http://www.co.cerro-gordo.ia.us/Sheriff/Most_Wanted/custody.html

the catch up post

i see a christmas day departure.  more as it becomes known.

this is a continuation from yesterday's unfinished work.  as it is, i'm still here and it's christmas.  merry christmas to you all out there and thanks for your calls and emails.  but it's christmas and i jus couldn't pull myself to do it and let christmas becomes a depressed holiday because of my suicide.  so i've put it on hold right now, and that's exactly where it belongs.

but ya, i really thought about it tho.  it wasn't an easy decision, which wasn't surprising.  but ya, i had to think about it from both sides.  and the side that wanted to, jus couldn't pass the muster test this morning.  by muster i mean i couldn't get past the 'remembered holiday' argument being solid enough to warrant action, and in this case, inaction.  i think i've gone, for the first time, to the point against the deed more than once.  it might become 

there are developments.  i'll catch them in the next post.  stay tuned.

there's rational, and then there's rational

if i were to make my intentions known, i'll bet the first question i get would be 'why?" and it's a perfectly legal question, especially now.  why.  why would i wanna lose all that i have.  why would i wanna be away from diva.  why would i want to leave my wonderful, perfect-for-me house.  and notice they're not questions.  it's probably because i wouldn't be able to supply qualified answers.  sure i'm going to miss a lot of things.  but that's the whole point.

and that point is there would never be, by simple virtue of the question, any qualified answers to why not.  same could be said about the question why.  when why not and why have the same 'sound', then it's one to be worth more than your normal answer.  listening for those messages is what the Q is really all about.

aaahhhh, the Q.  boy i could write one whole article about the Q.  and this would have been before STNG came out with their Q.  not unsurprisingly similar. the Q is still a force of many.  i am but just one of the Q.  think of it as a new race.  although not always so telling, one can usually tell when many get together for the first time.  the Q will occupy the whole room if given substance.  but there's much i could tell you about Q.  think of it this way, you'll come to understand the Q better as time marches on.  that's the one gift i can give people.  the opportunity to be aware of the Q.

now that i got that out of the way, the next step is just about ready to begin.  that would be....  stay tuned.

can ya taste it yet?

i'm sitting this close to doin the deed, i'm nervous writing this.  i've been awake all day and watching stargate. waiting for my friend to call me back.  i've been up since about 7 this morning.  couldn't go back to sleep so i stood up.  so half of my day is over with.  in fact, i'm in my eighth hour.  did a load of laundry last nite.  so i got clean clothes.  no need for clean clothes as i'm not expecting to go anywhere any time soon.  i need to get to the store on tuesday, but that's about all i got going.  and it's chanukah.  not that i celebrate chanukah at all, but my friends do, so i ride their coattails.  same with christmas.

but getting back to the subject du jour.  suicide.  notice how it rolls off the keyboard.   yes, suicide.  touchy subject as i've found out the hard way.  but some people just can't deal with anything suicidal, unless they're controlling the situation.  although, i must give this student intern out at the mhc, and assistant to the residing psych doc.  lasisse.  nice guy too.  his student was a bit more apt at figuring out what it really is.  or he wuznt injecting himself into the situation.  and i think he got wind of the truth.  but he'll cover his ass with my declaration that he is in no way at fault for my actions.  and here i don't even know the boy's name, he told it to me ..twice i think.  oh well, i'm never good at names.

point being, he was respectful of my way of thinking.  and i liked that.  i wish we could have met earlier.  'sides, he is kinda Qute.