well, it's saturday afternoon, early evening.  i've got scifi rollin on the boobtube.  i shouldn't call my big brand new tv a boob.  there are no 'tubes' in these babies.  i got my 32" lcd out at best buy, the cheapest 32" they had.  a dynex.  and i tell ya, it's definitely worth every penny.  fantastic color control, and it has all the bells and whistles the others had.  no pip tho.  oh well. 

but that's what i'm doing today.  and working on the computer some.  getting moneybooks all in order and reconciled.  i've been pretty good at getting things, keeping things, up to date.  and my moneybooks are one of those things that give that special, oh so spEHshal, attention.  my money has to be right or i'll go nuts trying to keep it all in my head.  the way i used to.  but any more i have to have it on paper.  well, in ascii format.  and i reconcile at least once a week, if not twice and once in a while thrice.  yes, that's indeed a valid word.  

i've sat and thought about doing the deed, and what have you.  i almost have to do that as a last resort.  and so far, it hasn't been necessary to go there.  funny how that works.  do what i always did do, and just now is it becoming conducive to my life.  i'll still 'feel' it sitting on the couch, or setanding over the stove.  but the dwelling is short-lived.

but i'm sitting here now, and thinking about suicide, well, it just doesn't have the zing it used to.  maybe it's just how i'm feeling today.  but it's been this way for a few days now.  i think it's something karmic.  i guess we'll just have to wait and see where this leads us.  who knows maybe the whole shit and kibane will just have been a flash in the pan.  wouldn't that rock.

so we'll see tomorrow where we sit.  it'll be sunday and the talk shows are on.  that'll give me some perspective.  who knows, maybe it'll wipe the slate clean and we'll start over.  who knows.