and the doctor said

went outside for the first time in 3 weeks.  it was different.  it was like it if i were just released from jail.  that newfound freedom takes hold of ya and doesn't let go for an hour or more.  it was good that i got out and went shopping.  i even voted for the very first time.  i wantd to be part of history.  i know obama is going to win.  hands down.  i think it'll be a landslide.  but who knows.  they wont start calling it until much later tonite. 8pm is when the first polls close (that's 7 pm my time).  it's tuesday nite tv otherwise.  i think the networks are going to only cut in when necessary.  i dont think they're running a whole show of it. 

shit, i'm wrong.  they are planning a show of it.  i should have looked before i typed.  i could go back and erase what i wrote, but then that's not fair.  to you the readers.  i want you to get the Q line.  that's the line that gets typed then analyzed.  that's the poopy of it all.  stuff you wont get elsewhere.  at least i have never seen anybody type like me.  you get the sanitized version on other sites.  not here.  this is where you get it from the force.

suicide hasn't been on my mind lately.  except when i went to the doctor.  my nurse brought it up and told the doctor that i had been depressed and talked about suicide.  they're all worried about me.  which i guess is only human.  i tried to tell them that i'm holding my head up and high going into this.  this is a conscious decision of reason.  i'm thinking about this event a lot.  and i've got a plan.  sorta.

the questions of how, when and why have yet to be finalized.  i expect them to get resolved before long.  probably within a week or two.  i'm not going to push the thing.  if the answer comes, then fine, i'll deal with it.  and i'll know when the answer arrives.  it'll probably hit me right where it hurts, and i'm gonna rejoice in it.  these are questions that need answering  before the event.  and the sooner it comes, the sooner i'll know it's time.