suicide, part deux

when people talk about suicide, they usually do so with a tone of depression.  happy people aren't supposed to talk about suicide.  only depressed people can.  this is how it's not supposed to be done.  when suicide is mentioned, it immediately brings a tone of depression, and regret, oftentimes, and that will generally translate into doing depressed things, like taking an overdose of sleeping pills.

i've already come to the conclusion that the only way i can carry this out is by taking the remaining prescription of ambien.  there's about 40 pills left of the 10mg size.  30 of those would result in death, so say Mercy Health Center's healthwatch.  as long as the deed gets done, and with as little pain as possible, i succumb to the permanent factor.

so how isn't important any more.  the when certainly is.  that's a factor that i don't see defining quite yet.  i have a general feeling about it, and i'm seeing a december 15 date.  somewhere around that time anyway.  the when can certainly be fluidic and change accordingly with good reason ...  that would be difficult to define wouldn't it.  i can only say that mid-december will be the ideal time for transition.

which brings up the obvious:  what is it like on the other side?  doesn't that sound like a good enough reason to commit suicide?  i for one believe that there is another level of 'life' out there, and it's only through death can it be seen.  sounds weird doesn't it.  but if you think about it.  the other side of life, is death, and purgatory.  pugatory is that state of death where the body dies and the soul moves on.  what form that is i don't know.  but i believe that when you die, you're automagically taken to a place where only the dead can see the dead.

staying alive until the middle of december is going to prove to be a handful.  i'll need to prepare Diva especially.  that's my cat in case seomeon asks.  She's the only one that could make me think twice about this.  she's getting the feeling that something's up.  she senses that i think.  but now with this new development, pete gomez, from the previous post, was going to take Diva when i die.  pete was very nice to me on the phone when i asked him to be the new guardian for Diva last week.  this last week i should say.  but now that he's in jail, that could change things a bit.  i'll have to wait and see.  but right now, that's not probably something he would be thinking about.  the least on his line of thinking   and i want more than that for her.  get my drift?  so this could actually put the thing on hold untiol this irons out.  i don't know.  but it does put a wrinkle in things.

*pffft*, i'll post again later when i know something.