well, it's tuesday night and i'm feeling crazy.  aint how that song goes?  i cant remember, but it sounds good.  it's tuesday. i'm not exactly feeling crazy, thank you very much linda.  but i'm glad of that.  dad died in 2005, so it's been since then that i've been celibate.  and sober i dare say.  of course i've had pot here and there.  not as widespread as i thought it would be.  which is good.  i don't like getting mixed up with that crowd.  i like knowing them.  that's that.

but i'm starting to feel like this is my last hurrah.  the finality of it is strong.  combined with permanence, and you get the idea.  my last hurrah.  a weeklong celebration.  we'll see where we go with that.  i could pull it off.  i've got the money.  it's just too cold to do anything outside.  we're due for a warm up this week, no?  ya see the snow so deep, nothing can take it away.  the last thing i wanna do is shovel snow.  i wish it was spring.  but it's winter.  the cold part of winter that we're just getting into.  we got windchills -24.  *brrrrrrr*.

it'll be nice to not have to think about it.  i think there's a whole lotta things i gain by suicide.  i get to pull the plug, not anybody else.  so i can control when and where.  i've got a plan believe it or not.  this plan is going to get me through this in one piece, i think.  my cat Diva has been pawwing me all night tonite.  i love her like nothing else.  check out her website:  diva.farpoint.org  but she can just about control all things house.  she definitely knows when those aleycats make it inside.  i shouldn't really blane them.  there's a windchill advisory til something tomorrow.  

i show a -24 on my widget.  that's windchill now.  how cold i feels.  if the wind is blowing 15mph, you're going to feel colder than if it was only blowing 5mph.  even at the same temperature, -4 it's outside right now.  that's northern iowa.  my heating bill is going to be through the roof this month.  no matter.  i don't really care what happens after a week or so.  next month?  gah, not even in the sight.  next week will be a challenge.  there's the inauguration on tuesday.  that's historic. i'd kinda would like to be alive for that.  see.  there's that wanna live thing happening.  i could name a million reasons 'to live'.  but they don't mean a thing without your health.  i'm on this slowboat to the showdown.  sorta like a ferry going across the bay.  i'm glad i'm inside.  it's toasty in here.  fuck 'em.  i'm on budget anyway.  they'll rape me in the summer.  they're going to get their money.

on the 5-day forecast i have a high of 1 low of -20, wed.  thu is -11 high and -16 low. friday is 7 high and 6 low.  see, it's getting better at the weekend.  so we're not hopelessly down low.  it's just a crush that she's on and we'll get over it real fast.  nex  tuesday is still 7 days away.  but it's gottta get in the groove.  it's not yet in the groove.  i'll wait for that.

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that's the marker for the time in the David Diaries.  and it's telling me it's time for bed.  where's Diva?