when i woke up this morning at 3am and couldn't go back to sleep, i got up to pee. then sat down at the computer looking up the winner of survivor. it was in my head, but i couldn't think of the winner's name. it's bob btw. but then i got on irc and talked with lister, my friend from the UK. see, irc is global. more people should see it as it truly is. a chat room.
anyway, i got to thinking about suicide. and it dawned on me that early morning is the time to do it. i don't know why that came across my head, but this is the best time to take the pills. i would have to wakt up again at this hour to do it. i say the pills will 'act' and do me in in 45 minutes. or an hour. i cant remmeber how long ambien took when i took it for sleeping years back.
this time of day is like a pregnant woman just asbout to give birth. sunrise is always been the 'cleanest' time of day for me. i wonder who will be born on the day it happens. i'm gamblin that it'sa boy. it would be interesting to experience. giving birth must be miraculous. to die on the same day must too be miraculous life ending and life beginjing. if ya think about all the souls that are dying today, each one of them has got a story to tell. but only one gets heard. our time here on earth ends, but a new beginning is about to start, for both of us.
for the borne person, if it could talk, what would you think it would say when getting out of the womb and breathing our air for the very first time. the person doing the dying would also experience such changeling. i believe both events are equally wonderful experiences. our time here on this planet is limited by the air we breathe. oh, and other such afflictions and diseases. each one has a story to tell. but only one gets heard most of the time. if babies could only talk.
what would it say? hm, that's a good question. it would say that there's another life 'out there' somewhere. i don't think we're limited to earth either. i think the 'other side' is one and the same before we're borne, and after we die. it's the same place. could we be on the other side planning such thigs as our deaths? hm, it's a thought. we could be controlling our earthly selves on some scrabble board. building points by landing on certain squares. adventure for the human is for both of you to enjoy. it's the 'other' world i'm about to step into. and i'm going to do it with my head held high because i think i had a very good life. i experienced just about all of the things i ever wanted to experience. i'm hoping that my writing will live on for years after my death. once everything on the website works. oops. did i jus give away the time for it to go down?
well, lets get back to the other side for a moment. i believe that there's another side. see that an other side. i'm hoping i can pass the inspection i'll have to take on the way over. that could take some time now couldn't it. with my level of experience i could safely say that there is an other side to this earth. a parallel universe that is in another dimension?
there's all kinds of questions, and answers, and questions with NO answer. we'll jus see which ones do and hoefully it'll pass inspection. there are only two sides to this life/death thing. the other side and this side parallel each other almost identically. except on this side, all memories are erased from the brain and one gets borne as a baby. if the baby could only talk.
i'll bet we adults could learn a thing or two from babies. maybe they are talking to us but jus not in words. maybe they don't have 'words' on the other side. the baby would talk about his/her experience before being borne. oh the things it could tell us. i think i know what it would say. i'll bet it would speak of another side to this life. is there suicide on the other side? interesting question.
the thought of the 'other side' is strong sometimes. it's stronger when i think about it. that's for prayer time. the other side is a mystery to us here on earth because we learn and live for only a short period of time. our lives here on earth are but a blink of an eye. our lives here on earth are measured and calculated on the other side. there's some competition on the other side. but we're not borne into a life like this on the other side. depending on the age of the soul, one could say the soul is timeless, but it's not. souls have a period of time to exist. they are 'borne' somewhere and goes through 'life' building good credit along the way. because in the final d raw, all these things are going to get added up and you're going to account for the ones that need help . i think the 'judge' will look upon my life as one that was lived by a brave soul.
i believe that our souls are the true lives we live. there is no pain and suffering on the other side, not like there is here on earth. it almost calls out to ya sometimes. but the changeover happens on a schedule, and suicide upsets the scheule of things. the price you pay for upsetting things, depends on what sorta things you upset. i'll know when it's time. there's something that tells me when it's time. maybe suicide is the way it's spoze to happen. ever thought of that? maybe it's supPOSed to happen?
i could answer the first one with ease. yes i've thought about it a lot. even since poopy started. i've thought about the other side more since poopy started, that's for sure. but even now, as i type away my life story here on the internet. i'm trying to be a testator of the things i learned here on earth. i think my cup is full. that it's time has come upon us. i'll know it when it v happens. whether i act upon that, will be the million dollar question.
suffice it to say, i've done a lot of thinking about things, both on this side, and the other side. i'm comfortable with how i view the way things are on both sides. i think to have that insight on both sides is worth discovering. i just hope the other side is a lot easier than this side. will i return to earth in the future? that's a question i tried to answer with edgar casey's tales. i think he believed in reincarnation, if memory serves me right. i believe that the other side is a lot easier to 'live' than the earthly lives we build.,
i also believe that cats are a way of transcending. and there were 5 kittens, no more than a few days old, that appeared on my porch a few weeks ago. all that's left is one black kitten, who still lives downstairs in the basement. my cat, diva, would never let me have another cat in the house. so it's life is to live in the basement of my house. and it's warm down there because of the furnace. so they're not freezing in this -3 degree weather we're having. (windchills of -11 to -22 last nite were common) but i believe there's some religion that believes in the superstition of cats being around when death is in the air. no?
google's editor is playing tricks on me. so i am going to close with this. the time is near, the exact time is close at hand. and i hope i can write about things until that time. and even during that time, if i'm lucky. i plan to post right up until i can't type any more. my friends on #mindvox will be the last ones to know me. i've gotten some calls from those on the channel. real nice folks they are. voidmstr and gigi especially are close to my heart. i'll miss them both.
but it's time i close out this post. it's 7 am now. i've been at this since about 430. time to take a break. it'd be nice if someone left a comment. i would value that more than money. think about it.
No comments:
Post a Comment