t minus ...

as close as close gets.  that's about what i can summarize up this week with.  i'm this far from getting the pills out.  the urge to do the deed is getting stronger.  not weaker.  like this is indeed the right thing to do.  i'm too comfortable to be worried about.  i'm about ready to pick out the music.  i think i'll jus play dance with xbox 360.  let that be the video.  hopefully it'll play the tunes i've got in for dance.  i could make up a new songlist.  but it'll all be the same thing.  i dont know if this will rerun and repeat over and over?  or what it'll do.

but i'm treating people as if i'm not going to be around to be with them again.  i'm not saying anything about it, but the way i feel is the way one would feel on his last facetime session, one of fun and carefree.  i'm not treating money matters any differently however.  i'm not out on a big charge binge.  and i could very well tie one on just one last time.  no.  i dont wanna do that.  i'd rather just let it lay the way it's meant to lay.  the way it lays now is fine and dandy with me.  not to say anything to anybody.

i would probably be getting earfuls of how important i am to them and society as a whole.  spare me the part about how much god loves me.  my feelings on god are published and well known.  i believe god is the sum of all our human souls.  i would like to see a society not depend on money the way it does.  but heh, i was born into it, i'll die out of it.  but all the remarks i hear and others talking plainly in sight, i get the feeling that if i were to believe them, and do what they say, i would be ditching the pills and breaking the syringes.  but why.  i've had those syringes for months now and they're for this testosterone the pharmacy sent over.  i jus dont have the where withall in giving myself an injection of it.  i think that's how you spell it.  i'm right.    i'd like to hear the areas i need to be concerned about.

well, my cat is pawing at me for some attention.  Diva needs something and so i'll get her situated and think a little bit more before i continue posting.