i'm finding another cause for concern.  the ritual before the deed?  during the deed?  shouldn't i do something like say a prayer or anything?  like really.  i mean, there's probably a right way of doing this, and i'm not one of 'em.  i dont know how many other suicides are up on the web with a candor you'll find in these writings.   musings as a friend of mine would say.

but something's been on my mind today.  and that's the things that i'll do to get into the mood, so to speak.  cuz i dont think i've got it in me to go through the steps of taking the pills then doing what?  continue to do what i normally would.  so in essence i'll be on irc on my dying bed.  i'll sit up until i cant sit any more. this would best be carried out right before going to bed.  i would naturally wanna fall asleep.  i doubt there'd be more than an hour that i would have to fill the time with.  get all the documents up on the computer screens.

i'm hoping that whoever discovers the body will read the notes i'm leaving on the desk and in the bedroom.  actually, i can skip the bedroom.  there'll be no need for them to do anything in there.  i'll have to disclose where i put the money.  tinbox on the dresser would be a good spot.  i've got about 5400.  4750 in one envelope, and about 700 in the other envelope.  that's about 6 grand.  plus lthe money in teh nbank.  another grand.  so that's about 7 grand.  i need to get tim lapointe paid off and have some casheir's checks i want mailed.  i'll give each voidmstr, krak and netrunnr $500 to enjoy in my absense a drink in a voxmeet.  and krak will be getting his because he's hosting farpoint.org for the next 6 years.  so i'll remain in cyberspace while my body floats the mississippi. well, winnebago, THEN the mississippi.

anyway, i'll get a plan together before long, and will indicate it in another post.